"Because she's attained what I cannot: Jacob's love and attention"

"Nothing I do will help you, because you never understood your growth. You are better being what you always were"

"We aren't who we want to be. We are what society demands. We are what our parents choose. We don't want to disappoint anyone; we have a great need to be loved. So we smother the best in us. Gradually, the light of our dreams turns into the monster of our nightmares. They become things not done, possibilities not lived."

"Post tenebras lux. After darkness, light"

"'Yes, there's light at the end of the tunnel, if that's what you mean. But sometimes, when the person crosses through the darkness and reaches the other side, he leaves an enormous path of destruction behind him.'"

"'Your problem is with the night,' he says. "At night, simply because it is the night, we are able to revive our childhood terrors: the fear of being alone, the fear of the unknown. But if we can defeat these ghosts, we will easily defeat the ones that appear during the day. We will not fear the darkness because we are partners of the light.'"

"'Let yourself get carried away by the night from time to time. Look up at the stars and try to get drunk on the sense of infinity. The night, with all its charms, is also a path to enlightenment. Just as a dark well has thirst quenching water at its bottom, the night, whose mystery brings us closer to the mystery of God, has a flame capable of enkindling our soul hidden in the shadows.'"

"'Do you see these players? They always have to make the next move. They can't stop in the middle, because that means accepting defeat. There comes a time when defeat is inevitable, but at least they fought until the end. We already have everything we need. There is nothing to improve. Thinking we are good or bad, fair or unfair, all that is nonsense. We know that today Geneva us covered by a cloud that might take months to go away, but sooner or later, it will leave. So go ahead and let yourself go.'"

"Not one word to stop me from doing something I shouldn't? 'No. By doing what you shouldn't, you will realise it yourself. As I said in the restaurant, the light in your soul is greater than the darkness. But for this you must go all the way to the end of the game.'"

"What's more, forgetting is the wrong approach. You should face things head on."

"I can't control myself, that's my problem."

"' I can't say I'm unhappy, but I'm increasingly lonely, though no one knows. Even when I'm among friends, and the atmosphere and the drinks are great, the conversation is lovely and I'm smiling, all of a sudden, for no reason, I can't pay attention to the conversation. I say I have an important commitment and I leave. I know what I'm missing: You.'"

"Its loneliness. Even though I'm surrounded by loved ones who care about me and want only the best, it's possible they try to help only because they feel the same thing - loneliness - and why, in a gesture of solidarity, you'll find the phrase 'I am useful, even if alone' carved in stone."

"Though the brain says all is well, the soul is lost, confused, doesn't know why it is being unfair to life."

"Love alone is not enough."

"Love isn't just a feeling; it's an art. And like any art, it takes not only inspiration, but also a lot of work."

".... Because our instinct is to control everything, even the uncontrollable, like love and fidelity."

"I feel like I inflicted this abuse on myself. I want to go back in time, only that's impossible. I need to make a plan to regain lost ground, but I can't think straight. All I can do is cry, feeling ashamed and hateful."

"Can you train yourself to love the right man? Of course you can. The problem is forgetting about the wrong man, the one passing by who came in a door that was left open without asking permission."

"The tree knows it can grow only if it rests. And if it grows, it will be respected. And can produce even more beautiful flowers."

"Nothing happens without effort. You have to have faith. And for that, you have to break down the barriers of prejudice, which requires courage. To have courage, you must conquer your fears."

"Going after a dream has a price. It may mean abandoning our habits, it may make us go through hardships, or it may lead us to disappointment, et cetera. But however costly it may be, it is never as high as the price paid by people who didn't live. Because one day, they'll look back and hear their own heart say: 'I wasted my life.'"

"' I controlled the jealousy I feel because of you, and I'm happy with that. You know why? Because I always have to show I'm worthy of your love. I have to fight for our marriage, for our union, in ways that have nothing to do with our children. I love you. I would ensure anything, absolutely anything, to always have you by my side. But I can't stop you from leaving one day. So if that day comes, you are free to leave and seek your happiness. My love for you is stronger than anything, and I would never stop you from being happy.'"

"What really is contagious is fear, the constant fear of never finding someone to accompany us to the end of our days. And in the name of this fear, we are capable of doing anything, including accepting the wrong person and convincing ourselves that he or she's the one, the only one, who God has placed in our path. In very little time the search for security turns into a heartfelt love, and things become less bitter and difficult. Our feelings can be put in a box and pushed to the back of the closet in our head, where it will remain forever, hidden and invisible."

"This is because things that don't end clearly always leave a door open, an unexplored possibility, a chance that everything might still go back to being as it was before."

"Closure. As much as that breaks my heart and leaves me emotionally in shambles, I need to end it. To look in your eyes and say it's over. Never again."

"But the truth is that the wounds in my heart are taking a long time to heal."

"'Just yesterday we talked about when everything gets stuck in a rut and how we no longer test our limits. It was a very sad night for me.'"

"Wisdom and experience don't change the man. Time doesn't change the man. The only thing that changes us is love. While I was in the air, I understood that my love for life, for the universe, was more powerful than anything."

End.

8:38 pm

The bright spark of happiness in me, slowly being engulfed by the dark clouds within my soul. This period will end and soon, I will be able to see clarity. Staying positive because like the picture, I see different phases in life.

I just looked up. The bright orange clouds in the distant horizon is turning into hues of pink. More clouds are turning pink. Anger. Burning anger. It's now turning into pinkish purple. Anger with a tinge of gloom. That's me now.

I pray i'll see the clarity soon. To let it go, accept things and to find peace and happiness within, because ultimately, that's what matters at the end of the day.

Now the pinkish hues are gone. The overcast clouds have moved on too. It's now clear. Clarity. Beauty.

Finding conversations

Sunday, August 07, 2016

1:30 am

Thanks H, I really enjoyed tonight. It's always amazing how our conversation can go till such depth and we still seem so comfortable talking about it. It's always good to have someone who is able to engage me in such out-of-the-ordinary/political/world issues kinda talk. I'll always treasure this friendship.

It's been a long time...

Saturday, August 06, 2016

1:30 am

I made sure I had the closure I wanted today. Thought it wasn't as expected but it was still something. You were the one for me. You were my encouragement, my light, you made me want to do better in life. You gave me love and I loved you more than anything in the world. Honestly. More than my parents, my grandparents, my friends. You made me change and that was something no one else was able to do.

It it broke my heart that you sort of left me for someone else, left me for security and for a more foreseeable future. I thought with time and effort, we could build one together. But I guess not. I was not the right one for you. I was just what I'd call a "soul mate", someone to help you see certain things or lead you somewhere in life then leave. That was my job. This is something hard to accept because like you said, I was "devastated" and it's true.

This is the hard fact of life but I'll continue doing my best to accept it and to be a better person. Because I know that's what you would've wanted from me.

Labels: Break-up, Devastated, End, Heartbroken, Love