- Honesty is the best policy. That's what I learnt today from someone. So honestly, I don't want to give people the impression we are okay anymore

- The many times you said you'd still want to help me/you'd persevere to help me find God, etc. What you say and your actions don't go. I gave you chances to take the step forward to talk to me first, to ask about my wellbeing, etc. but it seems like you can't care more. 3 times, one before bkk, one during, one after your sister saw me at the clinic. You just stopped. It seems like I'm not important enough to even be spared a thought or message. So much for wanting to help me. The truth hurts and a lie's worse.

- Just like the person in my life before. You both left me for another person. Both wanting to be friends. That's only how much I'm worth. To be friends with.

Because I see a pattern, I know getting into a relationship won't work well and I don't intend to get into any, anymore. I hate getting hurt, it was because of the past incident that made me have trust issues. And now that this has happened, I know that I'll build my walls thicker and higher than before. I will not let anyone break it down and weaken it. Being vulnerable just does not work in any relationships for me. It will never be again. I will never be weak again. I gave too much of myself. I should only have given myself to someone that really would treasure me for the rest of my lifetime and I know I won't meet that person.

- Now I'm beginning to understand why sometimes I behave arrogantly. It's because I just didn't receive enough love/trust/confidence in people believing in me that I just had to learn to love myself.

- Every time I'm away from you I feel so much hurt and anger that I want to express at you but when I see you, I become weak. You are a weakness to me. But I hope not so anymore. I keep letting my self get hurt by you. At the end of the day, do you even care? No. As much as you say you do, you can't even make time off for me. So don't feed me any false promises anymore. i gave excuses for you far too many times and from the many times you didn't want to fight my "warped" thoughts about how wrongly perceived things, it shows, that I don't matter anymore and you don't care how I feel/perceive you.

- From a third person's perspective I know certain people will say I'm childish for thinking this way/anyway I'm just one person and I can always be replaced (true, look at my position in your life now). What I'm going to do is to just let them be, because yknow, who else to protect me than me. I don't have anyone else unlike you. I trusted you to keep my heart safe and you didn't. You already knew from the start you'd break it but I had too much hopes in you that you wouldn't. I was at fault too for being so confident of my abilities. I wanted to do everything I can do you wouldn't leave me like the other. Even so, you still did. So like I said, I'll now build stronger and higher walls.

- It's selfish of me to put myself first but if I don't, who will? Everyone will do things that put themselves first. You including, choosing who you wanted to be with. It's not normal. I'm going to have to be selfish and decide to end things for good, clean and clear forever. I'm sorry I just can't be your friend anymore. This is just the best way. It'll work for you. You don't have to meet up with me with a cheery face when I'm giving a black face. Basically out of sight, out of mind. Or maybe it has already happened for you, but it hasn't for me. So leave me out of future meet ups with carol and all, I won't go for graduation, if I see you around, you can just treat me as a stranger or say hi and stop there.

- goodbye forever.

- Tbh, you kept putting really reflecting about this r/s off for so long that I know eventually even if your current ends or not, you'll never really think or reflect properly in comparison if you thought about it immediately after it ended when you're not thinking of someone else. The next time you'd really feel what you should've felt for this relationship is minutes before your death where you'd look back at your life.